just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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