I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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