Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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