If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
