so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
