His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
