im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we made out on top of his cat.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
