I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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