i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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