i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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