I want to make a zoo with you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
