life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
