if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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