and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
