No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
