yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just found puke in my bra..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
