Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
