I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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