i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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