Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
