i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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