Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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