Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
