so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
