One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
