apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i was born a porn star she said
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
