I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
