You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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