i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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