she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
