im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
