and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
