Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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