If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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