I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
