I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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