Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
