I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
