Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
