you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
