sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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