If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
