Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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