you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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