shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
