i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
