Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
