hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
