So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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