youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
