just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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