Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
