its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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